I'm an intense, hyperactive woman with an imagination in overdrive who loves her Husby, her two Wonder Wieners, and her emerging career as an author and photographer.

Tuesday, December 20

The Holidays Suck

People are so tense. Every day is a head-up-the-butt day on the roads and in parking lots. While I was walking across a parking lot today, a car stopped to allow me to cross, while another pulled around to pass the first car, almost hitting me. I gave the driver the furry eyeball and mouthed something along the lines of, "Why do you think people are stopping?" He rolled down his window, called me a bitch, and said that I was in the middle of the road causing problems. After I walked to my car, I began developing this elaborate fantasy, where I was an undercover cop who would suddenly turn to him, flash my badge and say, "Watch your mouth and watch your temper. First of all, let's get a few things straight. This is a parking lot, not a road, and you do not have right of way in this situation. Do you and your small penis wish to get a road rage ticket? I didn't think so. So, relax. Chill out. And don't ever call me, or any other woman, a bitch, ever again. Are we clear?"

In my daydream, the look on his face is priceless.


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