I'm an intense, hyperactive woman with an imagination in overdrive who loves her Husby, her two Wonder Wieners, and her emerging career as an author and photographer.

Sunday, January 22

Lack of Self-Discipline

I've been trying to lose weight since I hit puberty at 12 years old. I was a tiny kid, in the third percentile of weight and height for my age. Then, in a single summer, I gained 20 pounds and grew breasts, hips, and thighs. My mom said I ate too much cheese and crackers. What the hell? My boobs grew so fast I had stretch marks from day one. I've struggled ever since. Why is it so hard to get my shit together to get fit and trim for good? As an adult, I've been everything from a size 4 to a size 18+, from 127 to 197 pounds. Up and down and up and down, a classic roller coaster dieter. A while back, when The Onion featured an article about Oprah celebrating the loss of her 20,000th pound, I fell off my chair laughing, all the while aching at how painfully true the jibe rang. Coming to terms with where my body is comfortable, right around the 170s, is even more difficult. At the moment, 3/4ths of the clothes in my closets are too small; I'm saving them for the day they'll fit again. When I told my husband I needed to do something before going to Hawaii, meaning I need to lose some weight, he responded, completely innocently, "You mean, like buying a new swimsuit?" He loves my bod as is, why can't I?


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