So You Think You Can Write

The following bit of sheer brilliance is courtesy of another SuperFunny Sagittarian woman, firebabe, as written in the letters to the editor of Motorcycle Consumer News magazine, and reprinted here, with her permission.

"I dare anyone in this country to write for a living. Think it's easy, do they? Let me tell them something--walking on a greased tightrope above a pool of battery acid with a team of professional baseball players hurling flaming potatoes at you while balancing a nervous cocker spaniel with an advanced case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome on your head while whistling 'I Will Survive' is easy. Writing is hard."

I plan on having this printed up on a card and feigning instant deafness when someone says to me, "Oh, you're a writer? I wanted to be a writer. I could do that. Say, could you help me get a children's/romance/sci-fi thriller/[insert type of book here] published?" On the other side of the card, I think I'll beg for money, just like some of those deaf people do who hand out the yellow cards with the ASL alphabet on one side and a plea for money on the other. Here's a glimpse into the nasty side of my personality: I'm instinctually cruel and superior when given one of those, thinking a) he/she isn't really deaf, should I bang a pan to surprise and out him/her? and b) if I were deaf, I wouldn't have to resort to begging; I'd be like Marlee Maitlin or that gal on the hideous Private Eye TV show.

I can be so mean.