The White Elephant God's Blessing

Our dearest friends Brian and Sara hosted a white elephant gift exchange for Christmas. After considering, in no particular order: a plastic lobster, a blue fake fur coat, dessert plates with women's legs and French words on them, and metal watering cans made in India in the guise of a rooster or a horse, I actually went to Marshall's and purchased an electric put-it-yourself science project bubble blowing machine. I wrapped it in Christmas paper and even taped two "AA" batteries to the front of the box, which this contraption required. Then, something wonderous happened. On a walk with the dogs, about 1/2 mile from the house, I came upon the most hideously-fabulous white elephant gift a person could possibly discover, sitting on a damp square of lawn in front of a house with a "FREE" sign taped on it. Now, only a person who truly understands and appreciates the art of the white elephant can appreciate this gift. But, knowing Brian and Sara, and also knowing that they named their party "Put Some Junk in Your Trunk," I felt I could bring this item to said party and find kindred souls who would understand just how truly perfect this gift really is. Here, my few and dear readers, is what Sara now has sitting in her living room.