What Not to Do in the Middle of Nowhere

Spin out on gravel road. Land in muddy field. Hike out to main road. Get picked up by two ski bums and a photographer on their way to ski in Schweitzer, Idaho. Have no cell service. Wait at Java Bloom (espresso, convenience store, gas, flowers, gifts, groceries, and WSU Cougar wear) in Washtucna for three hours. Use their phone. Have AAA Agent ask you: "That's in Washington?" Hour one: eat a german sausage hot dog with ketchup and onions. Hour two: eat a Mounds bar. Hour three: drink a mocha blended beverage with whip. Have tow guys, two, like, dudes, from Dayton, 50 miles away, take an hour to withdraw vehicle and put on donut in place of back flat. Drive 30 miles to Ritzville. Have sweet man named Adam, of Adams Towing & Repair, 509/659-0545, leave his 9-month old new baby girl to come in after hours and remount and refill back flat, while his two dogs Millie and Tillie observe and eat treats you keep in car. Adam won't charge you, so give him a free copy of your autographed book. He's thrilled. Drive four hours home in rain, sleet, fog, and snow. Arrive at midnight.