Cud I Said So

It's been such a schizzy day. At 8:30 in the a.m., I'm in a government class to get my Food Handler's Permit, learning about toilet paper failure and food service workers who don't wash their hands. At 7:30 in the p.m., I'm getting a fucking speeding ticket in Yakima. My advice: wash your hands after going potty and don't commit traffic infractions in areas with fractious cops, perhaps due to a dearth of donut shops (he was skinny).

And, in honor of taxes being due this week, in reference to the H&R Block Commercial about the truck driver and his deductions, I want to know if the following items are deductible:

1. Radar detector and speeding tickets
2. Hemorrhoid cream, antacid tabs, and caffeine pills
3. Chew
4. CB Radio