Half-Dead or Half-Alive?

Pretty much sums up how I've been feeling lately. Things have gotta' change soon.

Neurotransmitters

I'm trying to remember the Valerie who didn't take every hiccup and setback as a personal attack. The ballsy gal who cursed and ranted and solved the problem without questioning the meaning of life. I want to connect with the Valerie who took wild leaps of faith all the time, without questioning whether she could or should. I've got to strengthen the neural pathways of the Valerie who followed her dreams with anticipation and excitement, not trepidation and fear of universal retaliation. I'm the same person. I must be able to pull those sense memories out of my tissues and circulate them through my bloodstream. I am more than the sum of my chemical and hormonal imbalances.

Held Together

Hello from my new harddrive? Hard drive? Hard-drive? Hard disk? Ah, fuck it. I'm going to participate in NaBloPoMo, but I don't know how to install the button on my blog. Janeen, will you help me? A pic and a paragraph a day, starting Nov. 1st.

These days, my emotional life is held together with duct tape and zip ties. I am tattered and torn from repeated assault. My only defense at this point is stubborness. It also goes without saying, and therefore must be said, that I would have collapsed into a pectin-like state long ago, if not for my husband.

Go Jump in the Lake Part Two

My computer hard drive died today. It's going to cost about $300 for a new one, and I have to start from scratch with all my data and applications.

Incidentally, we also received a notice from the IRS today. We are being audited. More specifically, my business is being audited.

I am not making this shit up.

Nor am I complaining.

I am simply stating the facts.

Go Jump in the Lake

Yesterday, I worked/drove/researched for 15 hours solid. My most productive day on the book by miles. Unfortunately, today I am jello. Brain non-functional, body quivering with shock. But by now, y'all have heard me bitch enough about this project. I know, all y'all just want to tell me to take a hike, quit 'cher bitchin', go jump in the lake. Okay. You ain't gonna' hear it no more. Promise.

I've Turned the Corner

I'm still not making any progress writing the book. At least now, I'm having fun not making progress. I got caught stomping grapes in Chelan, on a tour last week to check out their expanding wine production. Spent the day yesterday in Mount Rainier National Park. It was the second most beautiful fall day I've ever seen. The first was the day we buried my grandfather in New Paltz, upstate New York, October 15, 1987. The colors and light in my photos of the day are almost unreal.

This is the adventurous life I wanted, what I dreamt about and wrote about in my journals since I was 10 years old. What I didn't know as a child is that I would want someone to share it with, that it has little meaning without my partner by my side. Now, it's only me out here with my demons. At least my demons and my muse are getting along. Pretty decent photos, if I do say so myself.

Country Star

You heard it here first. Jared Wagner is going to make the big time. He's going to be really famous. He's a country singer, who's been singing since the womb. He's got the looks, the charm, the talent, and he knows how to work the crowd. Right now, he's about 14 years old. Give him a couple of years. You can book him by calling 509/447-5352. He lives in Spokane, and I saw him at the Labor Day fair in Metaline Falls. Where? Don't worry about. Trust me. He'll be big.