Race to the Finish

As I cross the NaBloPoMo finish line, here is another husby photo. He recently participated in a pinewood derby at a local bar in Georgetown. His car is truly vintage, made when he was 9 years old in 1976.

I'm happy to have accomplished this little goal of a post and a pic a day. It feels good and I hope will lead to other, larger objectives. Next: 500 words a day writing on my own stories. After that: yoga for 30 days straight. Maybe both at once.

As I think back on this month, what stays with me most is the theme of connections. This helped me reconnect in little ways with good friends who have moved away, helped me stay aware of what's going on for friends who are in the process of moving, and get to know some new folks a little better. Our culture needs to work on forging and honoring our connections more. Biggest goal for the upcoming season: spend more quiet time with family and friends. Sit and talk. See what happens.
Blessings and light!

Under the Weather

It was someone who suffered under the elements--as we Western Washingtonians have this month--who developed this expression. Staggering rain, power snows, wind, freezing temperatures; it has been a bitter November. Husby and I put plastic sheeting insulation on our windows today. Our family used to do this in Denver all the time, but this is the first year (of twelve) that we've done it in Seattle. Who's with me for a gentle December?

How I Spent My Money

Snowy photo, as promised. Mt. Baker, baby. Please ignore the smudges in the corners. This was before I spent $80 for supplies to clean the sensitive sensor in my expensive camera, which consisted of a bottle of some type of solution and 12 "special" q-tips. Each single q-tip cost $5. They look like the tiny plastic spatulas that come in home mustache bleaching kits, wrapped in some kind of paper, and tied with the rubber bands that come from braces. $5.

I spent all day preparing IRS documents, and now I am spent.

My Sorry Ass

As we used to say in the '80s, I am one hurtin' unit. Last Tuesday, I lost my balance on the ladder to the attic while getting the guest bed comforter down. I jumped before I could fall, but jammed my right hip badly. Something ain't right up there in what yoga teachers call my "sits bones." Then yesterday, I yanked it again big time, slipping on water on the slick floor at the food co-op. You know how it is when you slide, and then you stop suddenly, and you don't fall, but you seriously pull something in the process, and it's almost worse than if you did fall? Yeah, that. I can tell this baby is going to take a really, really long time to heal. Sigh.

Anyway, here's the last picture of leaves for this season, I promise. I'll graduate to snow tomorrow. Loved seeing the snow in Seattle yesterday and today. Dug the moody weather. One moment showered by bean bag beans snow, the next, basking under robin's egg blue skies and sunnyside up backlit clouds.

Jumping Jehosephat

Who was he? And why was he jumping? How can I have so much to say, yet have nothing to say? I am looking forward to the party season. I've got some fancy earrings and a couple of outfits and a new, schnazzy coat. Woo hoo! Sometimes it's good to be just a girl.

Living with Letdown

I'm living in the denoument. In the melancholy moment after the holiday fun and before going back to business as usual. We put our visitors on the plane today. I start back into regular shifts tomorrow at the food co-op. Monday, I have more salt rubbed in my wounds courtesy of the IRS, as I prepare documents for the second round of examination.

In the larger sense, I'm also sitting in between What have I done? and Now what do I do? I've already decided not to actively pursue new writing work for the month of December. I'm going to give Husby and I the gift of lots of time together and time to work on health issues which have been building.

My road is not narrowing. My horizons are exapanding.

Many Miles to Go Before I Sleep

Our 5-year-old niece is staying with us for Turkey Day and now there is tiny, flower-shaped glitter all over our bathroom. It's lovely.


We loaned our Prius to friends Andy and Wendy for their anniversary trip to Vancouver, on the condition that they take a photograph when it turned 100,000 miles. Wendy obliged. Here's to many more good miles on all of us.

Happy Turkey Day

Gobble, Gobble

50 Things About Me, Can't Sleep Edition

It's three a.m. I can't sleep. What do you do when you're thyroid isn't functioning properly? Get thyroid medication. What happens when even the smallest dose is too much? Your tendency toward insomnia returns with a vengeance. Only this time, it feels different. Formerly, you kept yourself awake by endlessly overanalyzing every facet of your life. Now, your brain is quiet, but your body stays awake. A wierd feeling, I can tell you. Time to start cutting the pills in half. Meanwhile, I was so inspired by "50 Things About Me" over at Country Mouse, I decided to do one of my own.

1. My husband and my two wiener dogs are my life.
2. I rarely ever slept as a child, which led to massive amounts of late-night reading, which I believe has led to my natural ability as a writer.
3. I love good chocolate almost as much as life itself.
4. I am not close to my family, geographically or emotionally.
5. I am highly melodramatic and wildly emotional.
6. I was raised as a Lutheran, and now am a born again pagan.
7. When I told my mother the above, she said, "Don't they worship pigs?" I don't know about that, but I love bacon.
8. According to a test run by a naturopath, I am highly allergic to all forms of dairy. I am also allergic to 21 out of the 29 most common allergens (pollens, grasses, weeds, etc.) and most allergic to cats.
9. I have traveled to or through all 50 states.
10. As I teenager, I was a talented classical pianist, enough to win many awards. It makes me sad that I left that behind, and can no longer play with skill.
11. I am conversationally fluent in German, and speak bits and pieces of at least seven other languages.
12. I know, without a doubt, that I will write a best-selling novel in this lifetime.
13. I am five-foot-two, have eyes of blue, and am pleasantly plump.
14. I'd love to ditch the pleasantly plump part, and be fit and trim instead.
15. I suck at sports. I am a HUGE klutz. Most forms of physical exercise I have tried have ended in disaster. I've pulled muscles doing yoga.
16. Any exercise I do in the water is an exception to the above. I am a natural in the water. I was a dolphin in a previous life or two.
17. I believe that art, film, theater, music, writing, photography and other forms of creative expression are the highest calling in this world.
18. When I grow up, I want to be a patron of the arts.
19. When I am rich, I want to spend my money on forming a colony of people who pursue #17, a not-so-thinly disguised way of supporting all of my friends who pursue #17.
20. I like to match the color of my underwear, socks, bra, and jewelry to the clothes I am wearing.
21. Many of the people on the maternal side of my family suffer from moderate to severe mental illness.
22. I have suffered from clinical depression off and on since I was probably four years old.
23. I don't like to wear necklaces. I feel choked.
24. I love to wear earrings.
25. I have a pierced belly button and a back tattoo.
26. Although I am too old for such things, I plan on getting more tattoos.
27. My favorite book genres are historical fiction and mysteries.
28. I've written in journals regularly since I was 10 years old.
29. I started writing stories and fiction in my journals the same year.
30. But most of my journal pages are filled with obsessions about losing weight and having an adventurous life.
31. I've saved every journal.
32. I've loved one other man intensely besides my husband, in high school. It was a destructive relationship.
33. My body feature I like best are my breasts. My body feature I like least are my knees.
34. My knees are deformed, and will likely require surgery some day.
35. Of all the places I've seen and lived in, I love the Pacific Northwest the best. I hope to live the rest of my life somewhere in Oregon or Washington.
36. That is, when I'm not spending winters in Hawaii or Fiji or Costa Rica.
37. My favorite vacations involve beaches, snorkeling, and drinks served in coconuts.
38. I still feel a tingle every time I get to say "I am a published author."
39. I am a talented photographer. There, I've said it.
40. I am a born extrovert.
41. I have one biological mother and another mother who raised me. I call the former BioMom, and the latter Mom.
42. My father died a year and a half ago. I miss him terribly.
43. I have two half-brothers and one half-sister. I call them brothers and sisters.
44. I skipped second grade.
45. Food is my drug of choice.
46. I like being naked, especially in nature.
47. I have broken two toes and two fingers.
48. I am severely vision impaired in one eye, and slightly in the other.
49. I have fantastically elaborate dreams I often remember when waking.
50. I have equally elaborate daydreams I wonder if I remember when sleeping.

I Am Thankful

I feel grateful. Believe me, this is a really, really big deal. I am usually too busy doing shit to take part in that whole "examining the spirit of the holiday" thing. Today is somehow different. I am still busy doing shit. Yet, I have this sense of being protected from the world's ravages by my friends, family, and colleagues and the rich experiences they've brought to my life. I am thrilled to have had such a rewarding year of work filled with new challenges and discoveries and connections. Why is this such a big deal? It means I've had a mental shift; that my brain is working well again. It means I am not depressed, in a very clinical sense, and it is rare indeed for me to be in this state without the help of medication. For when I am depressed, I cannot find gratefulness anywhere in my heart or mind, no matter how hard I try. Today, I am filled with it.

I pray that all beings everywhere are equally blessed.

I've been looking forward to this for weeks

We are going here tonight to see him perform. Bet you didn't know he sang and played guitar, did you? Apparently, he does it as a benefit for his theater company, where our friend Wendy has stage managed and worked internships and stuff. Yeah, she knows him. Yeah, we might get to meet him one on one. After working a 8-hour shift at the food co-op on one of the busiest days of the year, I just hope I don't fall aspleep in my soup and snore and drool at his show.

I Still Don't Get Blogging

Here I am, posting every day, and yet, what excites many people about blogging still escapes me. My perception of it as an online diary remains, and as for that vehicle, it sucks. I can't talk about the IRS Audit, because my auditor admitted he googled me, and you find my blog on page 2 of results. I prefer my social interaction ITRW. I can't bitch about my husband to my friends, or vice versa, because they all read. I am obviously uncomfortable exposing my deepest darkest secrets to the world, to pour my heart out, the most cathartic purpose of writing, because I don't trust the world with those secrets. The format is too short for all but the shortest of my short stories. I'm not a terribly political animal, so I can't rally anyone to my cause. Pop culture largely bores and disgusts me, so I won't comment on it. Likewise, news depresses me. The blog ain't making me any money. Finally, with the few exceptions of peeking to see some of what my friends are up to, I find reading other people's blogs to be as non-entertaining and as much of a time suck as watching TV. Basically, I still don't get it.

Hold the Presses

Another cool photo courtesy of the hubster, taken from inside MOMA, looking out at NYC. You can see his reflection in the window. New York has such a distinct look about it, an old-meets-new snooty pedigree.

For another photo not taken by me, but of me, head to this page and look for Hills and Waves. A Tacoma News Tribune photographer captured my BioMom and I one day while we were at the Tacoma Glass Museum.

Get Bent Tax Man

An IRS man is coming to my house today to audit my home business.

Oh, Goody.

I'll dream of drowning him in milk chocolate, which I can no longer eat.

Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuz a Tree

Help. Husby and I need to get in shape, to get fit, to find ways to incorporate exercise and physical activities into our daily lives. I was trying to think of ways to motivate ourselves. Friend Wendy told me about a challenge in the Seattle Opera offices where all participating agree to lose 10% of their body weight within 90 days. That'd be a great start. Better than that, that'd be half my whole goal! So, I thought about issuing a public challenge to my husband right here on the blog, but I think what we really need is support, ideas, and group participation. OK kids, let's think of all the fun ways we can put activity into our get togethers, especially over the dreary winter. Then, let's do like Nike, and just do it. Roller skating? Whirly Ball? A volleyball league? I'm up for ideas, inspiration, advice, and plans. Anyone?

It Is Done

Or, to steal a header from another's blog, The Towel, She is Being Thrown. I have formally and offically withdrawn from the Moon Handbook Washington project. Relief is spreading through me like sunshine. There are so many things I want to do. I want to spend time with my family, my husby, my puppy dogs. To focus energies on getting fit and healthy, to find ways for us to exercise on a regular basis, and to cook and prepare healthy meals for us. I want to keep house and garden, and make plum jam and apple butter. I want to write for Sunset, Seattle Metropolitan, CityDog, Northwest Woman, Seattle Metropolitan, Bark, AAA, in-flight magazines, and more. More importantly, I want to start writing my own stories: memoirs, non-fiction narrative, short stories, essays, novels, screenplays. To join a writer's group, or form one. To join another book club. To go to writer's conventions, retreats, and conferences. I want to explore the possibilities of my photography: Corbis, Getty, calandars, note cards, coffee house art gallery shows. I now have the schedule freedom to find a cashier position at the food co-op, instead of bagging groceries and taking out the trash. I want to visit my niece and nephew often, to swim in my brother's pool in Arizona, to travel to Hawaii and Fiji. I want to volunteer more; to re-establish SFHC Mondays; to host more parties. To grow my hair and get skinny and buy another house and have disposable income again. To expand my circle of friends and acquaintances, instead of watching the list shrink with each passing year as friends move away and grow apart. I'm going to goof off more, explore just as much, adventure even more.
It starts here, it starts now.

Chronic Job Hopper/Shopper

A week ago, I told a friend it would be a fun exercise to list all of the players in my less than stellar work history. I've left so many jobs, after such a short time, always in pursuit of the next best thing. In essence, I was a freelancer before I ever officially became a freelancer. Took me a while to realize that actually belong on my own, moving from project to project. Your box, not my box. This list includes only the w-2 jobs; there are this many and more 1099 gigs, once I finally got it through my skull that yes, indeed, I am meant to be a free spirit in work, as in life. What's the moral of the story? There is none. In human fables, there's only foibles.

Mann's Union Square Theatre, 3 years

Wendy's, 5 months

U.S. Dept. of Treasury, 5 months

University of Denver Library, 4 months (Work Study)

Furr's Cafeteria, 5 months

Chowda' House, 2 weeks (laid off)

B. Dalton Booksellers, 1 month (Xmas Temp)

U.S. Department of Transportation, 1 year

UPS, 1 month (Xmas Temp)

Kinko's Copies, 2 years

PanAero Wind Corporation, 3 months

Colorado National Bank, 3 years

Coopers & Lybrand, 2 years

Young & Rubicam, 3 months (Summer Temp)

Graphics Unique, 1 year

Shoal Creek Hospital, 4 month

Whole Foods Market, 9 months

West Austin News, 1 year

Biomedical Research Group, 5 months

Clinical Pathology Laboratories, 2 years

PCA Health Plans, 1-1/2 years

Group Health Cooperative, 1-1/2 years

Managed Care Washington, 4 months

Wes Rataushk & Associates, 8 years, off and on, essentially a freelancer

Premiere Video, 1 year

Talking Dog Media, 4 months (fired)

OneReel, WOMAD and Bumbershoot (1 Season)

Seattle International Film Festival (2 seasons)

Seattle Fringe Festival (4 seasons)

BBFM, 1-1/2 years

USPS, 7 weeks

Food Co-op, 9 months and counting

P.S. I'm OUT.

Went to a Wedding

Can't remember the last time we went to a wedding. This one, one of Steve's co-workers. This one had plenty of religion included, but the sermon was great, right up to the point where the officiant started going on about how the two of them would never be able to make it work without Christ's help, walking with them, blah, blah...lost me there. It also seems like it's been a long time since I've gotten dressed up and went into a social situation where I had to interact with more than a couple of really close friends. It felt good. Like I have a life again, like re-entering the world. Which brings me to my little bomb drop of the evening: the decision has been made. Care to take a guess?

Too Too Much

This fab photo is courtesy of the hubster, taken at the Museum of Modern Art on his recent trip to New York. Does a wife proud. Forgive me for leaving it at this, but I am too, too tired to expound tonight.

If It Ain't One Thing, It's Another

And who's to say which is more valid? I looked today and found that my old blog, NW Dog Blog, is still up there. I wonder how long they let these things linger on? On another note, I am encouraged by the changes this election has brought. Glimmers of hope.

I Am Everything I Need

I wonder how many people will be screaming tomorrow morning that they couldn't get their promised blog up this evening due to technical problems with Blogger. I wonder how long Blogger has been out. I can hear my Stepmom's voice, "Well, that's what you get for waiting until late." Quick, allow me to get the point of what I really wanted to say this evening, before Blogger tanks again.

Sometimes, people just need to remember they have choices. Legitimate choices. It also helps to have a clearer picture of the probable consequences of those decisions. I had a long conversation with the new Acquisitions Editor at Avalon. She helped me to realize that I have viable options. A) Do I continue to do the book with another deadline extension? or B) Do I resign from the project this month, giving them as much time as possible to find a new author?
Those of you who know me and my situation, I would love your opinions and input. If there are any of you out there reading who don't know me from Eve and have no clue, I'd love for you to chime in as well, either with a toss of the coin, or a gut call from your intution. Book or no book? My thoughts today are as clear as this photo, which, if you're wondering, is of fall leaves on a sunny day, way the hell out of focus.

Gnarly

Janeen would be so proud. I'm doing my first meme. I don't even know what the word means. Wow! I've done a lot. But before we get into my meme, I have to set the record straight: my blog currently shows two posts for 11/2/6 and none for 11/3/6. This is incorrect. Maybe because I started the post as a draft on 11/2? One of those posts (Fascination with Reflection), was posted by me on 11/3/6. Blogger has made an error, and I have sent a support email to their IT department in hopes of correcting the situation, but I don't know if I'll ever hear back from them. I don't know enough HTML to backdate a post, but I want to win one of the NaBloPoMo prizes. Anyway, here's my first ever meme, someone's list of the things you should/could do in life, and the ones I've done in bold.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa.
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper (and not even my own)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne (and tequila, and vodka, and…)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger (it was sort of mutual)
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run (does a line drive to first base count?)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day (and at work as a movie theatre ticket seller no less)
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country (Switzerland)
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign (better than that, I helped steal a two-story high flag from the lobby of the Brown Palace Hotel in Denver, yes, we returned it, unharmed)
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving (well, watched and photographed my husband doing it)
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them (a common practice in Europe, group tables)
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs (then decided to do them by category instead)
57. Pretended to be a superhero (I was always Marine Boy, never mind the gender confusion)
58. Sung karaoke (oh, so very badly)
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain (had sex in the rain, it's annoying, like Chinese water torture)
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured an ancient site (ah, Roma)
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played Dungeons & Dragons for more than 6 hours straight (with John Card and Tom Hull, I would prefer to forget I was such a geek)
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days (gone without for 1, went vegan for 3)
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert” (dog lover, and radio)
83. Got flowers for no reason
85. Been to Las Vegas (blech)
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark (I've eaten rattlesnake, and ostrich)
88. Kissed on the first date (among other things)
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation (Deutsch/German, Ausgezeichnet, mein freund)
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised (raising) children (child)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over (hello, Seattle)
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds (and gained, and lost, and gained, a 100 cumulative at least)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane (with my Dad in a Cessna)
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone (toes and fingers count, right?)
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (complete with hallucinations and a fever of 105)
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach (the hissing ones rock)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (here fishy, fishy; crab; oyster)
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language (very badly)
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life (I watched my parents perform the Heimlich maneuver on a man choking in a restaurant)

151. Finished a marathon (on a bicycle beside my husband, who was walking, in support of him)

Stormy Weather

Puget Sound's weather is positively hyperbolic today, the storm of the decade. Up to 10" of rain in a single day, a state of emergency declared in 18 counties, massive mudslides, an urban flooding team dispatched, 14 rivers at or above flood stage, and no relief in sight until maybe Thursday. I wanted to capture an image that conveyed all this mess--umbrellas turned inside out, standing road water, soggy dogs. Nothing fully captured it for me. This one's too benign.

I think it's time I formally introduced SuperFunHappyChick's alter ego: TerriblySadDepressedGirl. While she (I) struggles (struggle) with mental distortion (illness), here's a new mantra for love and kindness, to repeat as long as it takes to be filled to the core with compassion, acceptance, forgiveness, and gratefulness.

May I/all beings be free from fear and harm.
May I/we find hapiness being just the way we are.
May I/we be at peace, whatever comes.
And may I/we live gently in the softness of our hearts.

Woke up at 4 am today to put my husby on a plane for NYC. He's working some game debut gig for Xbox at the Grand Hyatt New York this week. I'm proud of his expanding career.

Went for dessert with longtime and dear friend Janeen this afternoon and basically blatted and bleated at her for two hours. I hardly get to talk to her, and we always have so much catching up to do, and I hardly ever find someone that I can talk to, I mean really talk you, you know, and sort things out, you know, and she's a great sounding board, and thinks deeply and intensely about life and living as I do, and well, yeah, I didn't stop to breathe at all, just talked and talked and talked. I was, um, manic. Hyper at the very least. Thanks for listening, girlfriend.

Bad Hair Day

There's no such thing as a neat coif when you're an alpaca. Meet Betsy Ross. She's a shy gal, with a sweet disposition. Her kisses usually include a little nibble. Alpacas have a row of teeth on the bottom, and a soft palate on the top. Maybe there's a future for alpaca upper dentures.

The future. Uncertain. I've just asked my publisher for yet another extension on the book deadline. Some days, I feel the success my friends talk about. Others, I wallow in the fact that we can't get our financial lives in order. That I'm bagging people's groceries and taking out the garbage at my local food co-op, for fuck's sake. I can't get a handle on the chaos of my life. Then I realize how self-absorbed I am, but instead of helping me, that knowledge depresses me more.

Fascination with Reflection

Here are some excerpts from my audio notes for Monday, October 30th, on the road to Mt. Baker.

The sky is crystal blue, there is frost on everything. It's 30 degrees outside and I am driving backcountry roads, being showered with giant leaves from big leaf maple trees. I've never experienced fall in quite such detail. My heart is not in it, and therefore my head is not in the game. I cannot force it to flow. My joy is deadened, as though the nerve endings aren't touching. Even a sculpture by Rodin fails to move me. As you may have surmised, the only thing capturing my interest on this project lately is the photography. I'm fascinated with reflections in water and light; how perception can be altered so easily. I passed 110,000 miles on the car today. I've watched alpacas milking, goats fucking, and Mt. Baker in all its glory. I think I have goat shit on my shoes.

Is it cheating on NaBloPoMo to use thoughts from another day? The photo is totally cheating, as it's of Mt. Shuksan, not Mt. Baker, although they are right next to each other. The most observant among you may have noticed that I've removed the "30-something but not for long" from my profile line. As I approach my 41st birthday next month, I felt that I couldn't string that one along any longer.

It Has Begun

Next year, NaNoWriMo. This year, I'll get the hang of being a regular while doing NaBloPoMo. However, I'm too scared to try the HTML necessary to post their lovely Yoda on my sidebar. Another goal by the end of the month.

So, I'm holed out here for the duration, to get the creative juices flowing. Snort. Sorry. Speaking of juices flowing, the sound you hear would be me snorting milk out of my nose, except I'm allergic to milk, so it's either soy, rice, or almond milk. I wish this was my little mountain hideaway. Actually, it's the Glacier Ski Shop up near Mt. Baker. My first of 30 pics for the month. A pic and a paragraph a day. Join me on the journey!

At the moment, I'm in Bellingham, on a three-day tour. Today is Fairhaven and Chuckanut Drive. If you can spend Halloween in a college town, I highly recommend it. All the kids still care about dressing up, and as I was wandering around the WWU campus yesterday, many were going to class in costume. The first thing I saw was a jester on a unicycle. Every day should start with such a sight. Then, maybe everyone wouldn't be so cranky.